Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
