My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
