You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
