Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
