arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
