You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
