like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
