just tell him i said nine months
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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