The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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