i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
