Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize