i was born a porn star she said
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
