coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
