i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
