My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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