This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
