So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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