I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
