There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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