I think my fart just growled at me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
