I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
