Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
