The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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