i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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