just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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