I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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