So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
