I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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