I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
