batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
