It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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