I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
