i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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