Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
