"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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