i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
