I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
