I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet