My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?