at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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