wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?