She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex