my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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