I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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