took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
