I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
