Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
