miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
