you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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