I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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