Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
