no you cant smoke seaweed
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The ass gains better be worth it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize