the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
its liver damage thursday
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
