i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
