I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
