his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
