Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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