Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
