batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
