btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
