Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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