Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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