I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
