ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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