ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
