If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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