just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
