I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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