i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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