Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.