id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.