I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
