uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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