Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
