I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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