I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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