Screwed.edu
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Alive.
So much puke
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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