I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
