I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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