Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wear drunk well.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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