I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
