First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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