Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
